By Sharona Cohen, PsyD, LMFT · California LMFT #43402
You two are good at a lot of things. You run teams. You close deals. You keep the kids' schedules, the house, and the calendar moving. From the outside, it looks like you have it together.
But at home, something has gone quiet.
You talk about logistics, not about each other. You go to bed at different times. One of you is always "almost done" with work. Nobody is yelling, so it feels like there's no real problem. That is exactly why so many busy couples wait too long to get help.
I've worked with couples for 22+ years, and I'll be honest with you: most couples don't come in because of one big blowup. They come in because they slowly stopped feeling like a team. I see you, and I'm going to call you out on the patterns that are pulling you apart, kindly but directly, so you can fix them while they're still fixable.
The short answer: when should a couple go to therapy?
Go when the same problem keeps coming back and talking about it at home isn't changing anything. You don't need to wait for a crisis. Couples therapy works best early, while you both still care and still want to try.
7 signs it's time for couples therapy
1. You feel more like business partners than partners
You're great at running the household. You're not great at being close. Most of your talks are about who's picking up whom, what bills are due, and whose week is busier. If you can't remember your last real conversation that wasn't about a task, that matters.
2. Work always wins
One or both of you checks email at dinner, works most weekends, or brings stress home every night. Over time, your partner stops asking for your time, not because they don't want it, but because they've stopped expecting it.
3. You have the same fight over and over
It might be about chores, money, family, sex, or time. The topic changes, but the fight feels the same. Someone pushes, someone shuts down, and nothing gets solved. That loop is a pattern, and patterns can be changed with the right tools.
4. You've stopped bringing things up
You hold back to "keep the peace." You tell yourself it's not worth it. But the things you don't say don't go away. They build up and come out as distance, short answers, or resentment.
5. Your sex life or physical closeness has faded
Busy seasons happen. But if touch, affection, or intimacy has been missing for months and neither of you knows how to talk about it, a neutral space can make that talk much easier.
6. A big life change is coming (or just happened)
A new baby, a move, a promotion, a business launch, a career change, caring for aging parents. Big changes put a lot of pressure on even strong couples. Therapy before or during a big change can keep you on the same side.
7. You're wondering if this is "just how it is now"
If you catch yourself thinking, "Maybe this is what long-term relationships feel like," pay attention to that thought. It's often the first sign that you've quietly given up on more. You don't have to settle for a relationship that only works on paper.
Why busy, successful couples put it off
In my work with executives, founders, physicians, attorneys, and other high-performers, I hear the same reasons again and again:
- "We don't have time." You have time for the things you treat as important. Your relationship deserves a spot on the calendar too.
- "We should be able to fix this ourselves." You'd hire an expert for your business, your taxes, or your health. Your marriage is just as worth the help.
- "I'm worried about privacy." That's a fair concern, especially for public-facing or high-profile people. My practice is private pay, so there's no insurance company involved and no diagnosis sent to an insurance database.
- "My partner won't go." Sometimes one person starts first. A free consult call can help you figure out how to bring it up.
What couples therapy with me actually looks like
I'm not going to sit there and nod while you two repeat the same argument. My style is warm, direct, and practical. Here's what to expect:
- A free 15-minute consult call. We talk about what's going on and whether we're a good fit. No pressure.
- The first session. I want to hear from both of you. What's working, what isn't, and what you each want. We skip the blame game.
- Clear goals. Together, we decide what "better" looks like. Maybe it's fewer fights, more closeness, or making big decisions as a team.
- Tools you use at home. You'll leave sessions with simple things to try that week, like how to start a hard talk without it turning into a fight, or how to protect time for each other when work is busy.
- Real changes you can feel. Many couples notice they feel more connected within a few weeks, as long as both people show up and do the work.
In person in Sherman Oaks or online across California
I see couples in person at my office in Sherman Oaks, and online by secure video anywhere in California. Online sessions are a great fit for busy couples. You can join from home after the kids are asleep, or each log in from a private space if one of you is traveling for work within California.
Cost and insurance
My practice is private pay. Couples sessions are $350 for 50 minutes or $495 for 90 minutes. I don't take insurance, but I provide a superbill you can send to your insurance company if your plan has out-of-network benefits.
Common questions about couples therapy
How long does couples therapy take? It depends on what you're working on. Some couples come for a focused set of sessions around one issue. Others stay longer to build lasting habits. We'll talk about a plan in the first few sessions.
Can couples therapy help if we're not "in trouble"? Yes. Many of the couples I see are doing okay but want to feel closer, communicate better, or get ready for a big life change. Going early is smart, not a sign of failure.
Do we both need to be there? For couples therapy, yes, both of you should join most sessions. If your partner isn't ready yet, you can start with individual therapy and work on your side of the pattern.
Is online couples therapy as good as in person? For most couples, yes. You get the same depth and the same tools. Some couples like to mix in-person sessions in Sherman Oaks with online sessions when life is busy.
Will my partner and I be judged? No. My job is not to pick a winner. My job is to help you both see the pattern you're stuck in and give you a way out of it.
Your relationship deserves more than your leftover energy
You give your best hours to work. If your relationship is getting what's left, it will show. The good news is that small, steady changes can bring you back to each other.
If you saw yourselves in this post, let's talk.
Book a free 15-minute consult. Fill out the short form, and I'll call or text you back within 24 hours.
Sharona Cohen, PsyD, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist (California LMFT #43402) with 22+ years of experience. She works with high-functioning professionals, executives, founders, men, and couples in person in Sherman Oaks and online across California through her private practice, Concierge Psych Doc.